Monday, February 14, 2011

Take Some Time to Identify Your Desires



An excerpt from
The Relationship Code: Engage and Empower People with Purpose and Passion
by Margaret McCraw, PhD, MBA, LCSW-C

The Process of Identifying Relationship Desires

Getting clear about what we want in our relationships often requires us to work through various barriers to knowing our true desires. By learning about what is standing in our way, we can cut through the barriers and create clear goals. We can use visualization processes to help us know what we want and be able to write processes to clarify the wording of our goals to attract positive outcomes for everyone involved. The process of identifying and defining goals aligns us with a proactive, rather than reactive orientation that is always better for attracting the results we want.

Using Imagery to Clarify Your Goals

Visual imagination is a powerful tool for developing positive relationship goals. Place your hand on your heart and press firmly to connect your head and your heart. Take several deep and soothing breaths before you begin your visualization session.

Picture the person you are relating to, either someone you know or someone new that you hope to attract into your life. See that person relating to you in the positive ways you desire. Visualize that person as smiling and happy as she interacts with you. You can create an inner movie of your desired relationship and feel the pleasure it brings to both of you.

If negative images arise, turn down the lighting and the sound and let that image fade away, getting smaller and dimmer as it goes. Fill the visual space with happy images in bright and pleasing colors. Picture yourself with your friends, your teammates, or your boss in a beautiful setting. For example, imagine you could take your whole work team to a lovely restaurant beside a lake. Picture the sunset shining on the water as everyone is gathering for a meal on the deck overlooking the harbor. Visualize harmony and laughter around the table and see everyone smiling at you. You might add an award ceremony to commemorate a project successfully completed. You could see your boss there, thanking you for leading the team so well.

Notice the specific details of your visualizations that give you the best feelings. Search out images on the Internet or in magazine illustrations that capture those images. Begin a collection of images for your vision board. This is a private representation of the visual images that best represent the relationship goals you visualize. You can put these images on a bulletin board in a place where only you can see it; for example, in a private study, covered by a cloth, or in a secure folder on your personal computer. It is important to keep these images private because they create an internal conversation that you have with your subconscious. You do not want anyone else’s comments or opinions, even positive ones, becoming part of your inner dialogue.

Each time you visualize or look at your vision board, think of ways to make the images more pleasing to you. This is another element of your inner dialogue with your mind, and there are no limits to how beautiful you can make your images. Palaces, gardens, rainbows, boats—add any image that makes you feel good, happy, and successful. Your imagination is free to create any image. Creating these images will take you closer to your desires and help you become better able to write down what you want on your wish lists.

Writing Relationship Desires

Get into the habit of regularly writing down and refining your relationship desires. This will help you get clearer about exactly what you want. Here are some tips for writing your list:

· Write your desires as clearly and precisely as you can.

· Make your list as specific as possible. Start with the general idea and add details until it feel right to you—it needs to truly state what you want.

· Focus on what you do want, not on what you don’t want. Change all negative statements and feelings into positive ones. Every negative has many opposite positives.

· Don’t focus on what you think is “realistic” in this step. Here you are finding out what you desire. It doesn’t matter whether you believe that the goal is achievable or not, just whether it is exactly what you want.

· When your desire is clear, every part of you will be in agreement. “That is 100 percent what I want. I have no reservations or resistance. If it came true right now, I would be completely happy with it.”

Intending the Highest Good for All Concerned

Every relationship desire involves other people. By setting your intentions for the highest good of all concerned, you allow your subconscious mind to attract even better relationships than you can imagine. By keeping our intentions focused on the highest good for all, we maximize the positive energy and minimize resistance to our desires. If you ignore the well-being of others and focus only on your own desires, you unconsciously stir up resistance to achieving what you want. By intending the highest good, both for yourself and for everyone else, you send out signals that attract a positive outcome supported by all.

Begin and end every wish list and every visualization exercise with a strong intention, which you say to yourself and write down, that these wishes be fulfilled.


Margaret McCraw, PhD, MBA, LCSW-C, is a licensed psychotherapist, nationally recognized business consultant, and an educator with 25 years of experience addressing relationship issues. Dr. McCraw is founder and president of Behavioral Healthcare Consulting, a nationally accredited training institute that attracts an array of professionals who desire certification as life coaches and holistic health practitioners. A motivational speaker and trainer who has keynoted national conferences, Dr. McCraw travels nationwide, sharing her insights on personal empowerment, relationship building, and business development. She resides in Baltimore, Maryland.

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